I'm the muse not the atrist
So here I am, sitting in someone else studio about to take on what all my clients do when they visits me. Am I supposed to be nervous right now? Does she know I'm not nervous? Shit, is it offending that I"M NOT NERVOUS!
I started my day at my own studio, catching up on emails and awaiting for my hair and makeup artist to arrive so we could get me all pretty and stuff... As I sat there, while she was doing my makeup I had a moment of solidarity...A woman that I had been watching and admiring for months and months, now I was about to go see her, show my support all while learning myself. I t felt good! Was makeup was done and it was time to leave, I quickly had a hard ice tea, to some what jiggle out any social awkwardness I have. I wanted to seem calm, cool and collective when I showed up, and hey, a little liquid courage doesn't hurt anyone.
I drove up tp her studio about 20 minutes early, I'M ALWAYS early... But I specifically remember reading that she asked not to show up any earlier then 5 minutes ... So I waited, checked my teeth, hair, cranked a good tune, and waited. OK, it was 12:55, I could go up there now. Knock, knock, knock. Three very timid knocks and then sat down and waited. I could hear her bustling around and then silence, it was 1pm and she must have sat down and wondered where I was. "oh shit" so I quickly texted "I'm here" I didn't wanna knock again, didn't wanna seem rude or impenitent.
Just like that, the door was open, she greeted my with her beautiful smile and the door closed behind me. I set my things down and looked around in awe, her studio was so beautiful , I couldn't believe I was finally there, after all the Instagram stories I had watched, I was finally standing about to be photographed by the inspiring Ashley Jackson her self! We get all settled, I put on what I think is my favorite outfit on and boom, we are knees deep into the session. It came naturally to me, the posing, the toes, the "sexy" eyes. lol . I thought I knew so much till I was in font of a great, her technique was flawless, her voice, soft and gentle. She said things like "flick your eyes at me" or "make this noise with your mouth" What seemed like 15 minutes we were almost half way through the session already. I was waiting for the "naked" part. I did check that box and I was excited, but ohhhhh so nervous. There it was, she said the words " did you wanna try some naked in the sheets?" I sure did, I couldn't believe how ready I was for it. I stripped down right there, panties and all! I didn't care, I was 100% committed and every single photo showed it. I remember there was a moment where she had me posed in what my mind was not a very flattering "boob" pose, I glimpsed down at my old tired, saggy "mom" boobs and Ashley noticed right away " are you ok?" yeah, I'm fine I said. " are you being hard on yourself?" yes I sure am! There was something that sparked in that moment, what I have been trying to advocate for months now, I finally felt what all the woman in the world feel while in front of a camera. "self doubt and lack of self love" FUCK that, I'm not falling victim to my own mind and what society has taught me is normal and beautiful. That moment on, I killed my session, boobs out and free, feeling like a damn queen! I rocked my session and I look at those pictures every single day. Out of all of this, I learned that my breasts are normal, and I love them just the way they are. I don't need to hide them, I need to where my skin proud!